Notice anything wrong with the title of this post? It should read, "In God we Trust." That would be more appropriate, but unfortunately, not as true.
As a practicing Christian I often profess my trust in God to provide for my family, for everything from our daily bread and the house we live in, to our level of health and happiness. I really do believe that God provides all of our needs. Recently, however, this trust has been put to the test. And I'm afraid my score is nothing to brag about.
A few weeks ago we had a health scare with my husband, Matt. Doctors worried that he might have a problem with his heart, so he was put under the care of a cardiologist and run through a gamut of tests, including an invasive heart cath. After all was said and done he was diagnosed with a minor condition (heart palpitations) and put on a daily medication to help control it.
At the time, however, we were looking at the possibility of a more serious condition that may have required surgery. Surprisingly, I wasn't very worried about Matt's health. Having been diagnosed with a serious medical condition myself, I have experienced firsthand the provision of God in this particular arena.
No, it wasn't Matt's health I worried about, it was his job. We are a single income family, and in addition, rely heavily on the medical insurance that his military job provides (my medications alone cost thousands of dollars each month). There was a lot of concern over his condition from management during this health scare. He was removed from the flying program (there goes $150/month), and there was even talk of him having to go before a medical board where he would be at risk of being forced to separate from the Air Force.
Panic. We are in the middle of building a $40,000 addition to our home. We have two car payments. I still have two years of school left, and even then, I have physical limitations that will likely keep me from working a traditional job. I'll never be able to get medical insurance with my pre-existing conditions. How will we afford my medications?
Sound like trust in God to you? Nope, me neither. Seems more like trust in my husband's job than anything. I know that it is God who provides for us, and that Matt's job is just a vessel for that provision, but I still panicked nonetheless.
I am reminded of George Mueller, who supported entire orphanages with nothing but the power of prayer. If they needed food for the next day, he prayed for it. If they needed money for something specific, he prayed for it. Day after day, month after month, year after year, if George Mueller had a need, he had only to ask God and it would be provided.
Okay. Now I'm re-centered. God is my provider, not Matt's job. I know that if Matt loses his job I can still trust in God to provide for our family, even if I don't know what form that provision will take. Phew! Brought that C- up to a solid B on my "In God we Trust" test. I'm good to go. Or so I think.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and I am faced with another test: difficulty attaining medications. Most notably, the anti-narcoleptic medication, the one that keeps me awake during the day, was denied by our insurance company. Ahhh! What to do? Panic, of course.
I need that medication to stay awake while driving. I can't possibly keep up with school and my busy schedule without it. Seriously, falling asleep in class here.
I ask for prayer - that this issue will be resolved. Again, I'm trusting, not in God, but in the medication, to keep me running strong. Another test, another low score. Obviously I'm a slow learner.
Maybe it will help if I start chanting, "In God we Trust," under my breath. A continuous mantra to keep me focused on the true Source of my provision. Maybe.